Why do I still feel so Goddamn inferior?

The words I should’ve said,
the years spent pretending…
Pretending, for what?
I wanted to make you proud
to be a part of something
bigger than me. 
But is it?
Was it worth it?
Because the bigger the mission,
the smaller I became.
And maybe it was worth it,
the late nights,
the frustrations,
the hours,
when we pretended we were a family
And maybe we were…
for a season.
But where are you now?
When you no longer need me,
was I always just a need?
Another cog in the machine,
a spoke with no name,
no meaning,
just a purpose
in the greater mission.
I was supposed to become nothing
but I was always meant to be something.
and when I found my voice,
It was too loud
It was too proud
And I should’ve said the words then
because they mean nothing now…
When I suddenly have a name.
Am i too much now?
Or am i still not enough?
Do you still see me,
the way I finally see myself?
I wish I knew then
the words I know now
the things I should’ve said then
that have no meaning now.